Smorgasbord End of Summer Party – Afternoon Tea – Colleen Chesebro, Sue Hampton, Jane Gogerty, Norah Colvin, Jane Risdon, Wendy Janes, Gigi Sedlmayer, Jena C. Henry and Darlene Foster

via Smorgasbord End of Summer Party – Afternoon Tea – Colleen Chesebro, Sue Hampton, Jane Gogerty, Norah Colvin, Jane Risdon, Wendy Janes, Gigi Sedlmayer, Jena C. Henry and Darlene Foster

OMG. Look what elevated company a dog poet has been invited to join. There is lot to eat and drink here, at the end of summer party, and all these fascinating writer people for a dog to meet. Just one question… who is going to stop me eating too much and keep me away from the red wine?

I’m so excited to be invited to the party I’m inclined to do a 4 step jig ūüôā

Love Ben xx

 

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Buzz, a little word in your ear

Friends, collies and little Buzz,

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A great big welcome Buzz, to your new home and the extended family. I thought I would offer you some hard learned advice from an old paw who has been there, done that and… they nearly got me to wear the T shirt.
Here are 10 top tips for dealing with the human kind during your first few weeks.

1. Suspend Disbelief

Oh Buzz, it is such a strange place that you have been catapulted into. The world of two legged things is such a mysterious cavern and all we can do is navigate the contours of their lives with charm and wit. The first lesson is pretend you know every word they say.  Cocking the head, in a display of trying to understand, seems to ignite something that might bring you a treat or two. The hard truth is that we are very good at getting to understand their language, not many of them take the time to truly understand ours.

2. Behave impeccably

Go gently into this foreign land and lure them into a false sense of security. Lots of tail wagging and doleful looks seems to do the job, in addition to a pretence of obedience: coming when you are called, sitting when commanded and that pathetic gesture of begging for treats with¬†paw held dangling in mid air. I know it’s all a bit demeaning but it’s just a holding measure. The real fun can come when they think you are the best thing since sliced bread, whatever that means.

3. Forget the soft furnishings (for now)

However tempting they appear, stay off the soft furnishings. When to attempt the leap is a judgement call that comes with age. I always knew my bipeds were a soft touch in this department so had occupied my rightful place, on the sofa, within a couple of weeks. Word has it (from a little Norfolk bird) that your people are a little more determined. My advice is to play the long game though, if they should forget to close the living room door, JUST GO FOR IT.

buzz 1

Update for readers – clever Buzz, clearly you have done a good job, on the wrapping the humans around your little paw, offensive, and have sorted them out. I am full of admiration. GOOD ON YOU, little boy.

4. Dining In

Eat everything within sight or smell. You just never know when they’ll forget to feed you. Admittedly, it hasn’t happened to me yet but I’m not hedging my bets. How many sausages did you manage at the Barbecue last night? By the way, there’s some lovely licking to be done around that machine in the kitchen that generates heat about 6 o’clock every night ūüôā

Dining Out

Don’t eat quite everything within sight or smell. The lovely full plates at the table next to yours are definitely off bounds. Just Let your people know what a struggle it is to contain your interest and what embarrassment you are saving them from. After that juicy treats are bound to come quick and fast.

5. Remember the Ann Robinson Manoeuvre

Go for the weakest link. There always is one. Do the adorable eye contact bit. Stick to them like super glue and, if they dare to say NO, look like you have never, EVER, been so offended.

6. Best boy

Don’t offend the guests. You can get away with so ooooo much if you behave nicely when the visitors arrive. Let’s face it, your people want to show you off as the best thing since… well, that bread thing again. Let them down and you’ll be toast. Play up and play their game. It will give you so much mileage for mischief later on (hee, hee).

7. Transport captain

Try your very, very best not to correct the driver. I know, I know…¬† it’s very scary and they often go the wrong way – mainly to the shops, instead of the park. Later on you can correct their woeful mistakes. I find that a paw on the drivers shoulder brings them up with a start. I think that’s what’s called a back bark driver.

8. The Queen’s Head

Don’t attack the postie. It’s brilliant fun later but, wait until you have got your self under the duvet every night. Then it’s the right time to test out the tenderness of the ankles sent by the Royal Mail. If however, the wait is too frustrating go for the mail itself instead. I’ve found that chewing up the brown envelopes doesn’t provoke too much recrimination.

9. Cuddle up

Don’t forget the cuddles. It has to be admitted that this is a win, win situation but don’t ever let on that you love it too.¬† There’s a thing called unconditional love that we are meant to specialise in. Don’t, whatever you do, let them know that there are strings attached. They roll over and give us what we want anyway, if you abide by the rules above.

10. Don’t forget the bard

During this early, trying period, retain your dignity. Never forget that you are observing these cardinal rules so that, in a little while, you can assert your true personality: DIGGING, SNAPPING, BARKING, RUNNING OFF, GENERALLY PLAYING MAYHEM… By this time you will be able to do whatever you like WITH IMPUNITY.
“This above all: to thine own self be true”.

From Ben to Buzz

I can’t wait to meet you. Do drop me a bark in the comments box below to let me know how you are getting on.

In the meantime, must sleep.

SF 1
And so to bed!

Lots of love
Ben xx0

 

 

 

 

 

Chinese mall reveils #TrumpDog statue to celebrate year of the dog ‚ÄĒ

Friends, collies and pikingese dogs,

Hee-hee-hee

 

 

Chinese mall reveals #TrumpDog statue to celebrate year of the dog. The canine statue sports a frown, an index finger pointing directly up and Trumps signature hairdo, rendered in gold.

via Chinese mall reveils #TrumpDog statue to celebrate year of the dog ‚ÄĒ,

Dissolving in dreams of some v. v. v strange dogs.

SF 9
And so to bed

Love Ben xx

 

Review of 2017, the year of the mouse

Friends, collies, fellow travellers,

I ended last years annual review by wondering if¬†life could get any better for a young, sometimes troubled, rescue dog. Well, have I got news for you? However, I had a dilemma –¬†where on earth to¬†start. David said I¬†had to mention how high I’d climbed and – quick as a flash – big border collie brain in gear.

Now, with the help of another great thinker, a certain Mr Maslow, I can let you know¬†what I’ve achieved in 2017 and also, why I was able to. According to Abraham – a 1940s scholar and not a biblical one, despite the name – we’ve all got needs that have to be met and¬†they¬†come in a lovely big¬†colourful triangle.

Maslow needs
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

It’s a bit like a game of snakes and ladders. You start at the bottom and once these needs are met you get on¬†the ladder… this takes you up to the next level. Then, Holy Moses, you can be nearly at the top and still¬†come a cropper, doing a big slithery¬†thing¬†down¬†a venomous¬†snake.¬†As far as I can ascertain, with¬†a bit of insight from my friend¬†Google, I seem to be the only dog writing on this¬†subject at the moment.

Level one Рbasic needs

Mr M says that I need my tummy full ALL THE TIME and I can personally validate the reliability of his research. Andy (the best vet in the universe), put me on the scales only today and confirmed that this joyous¬†need had been met; a little too well met as it turns out. Apparently, I also need a supply of fresh water constantly at my disposal.¬†Two ceramic bowls that decorate¬†the bedroom and living room floors, full to the brim¬†and accounting for the thread bare carpet around them –¬† fulfil this need, with the dog beer in the fridge being¬†– it seems –¬†just an¬†added extra.

On a more delicate note and still in the red zone, I also need frequent visits to the garden – if you get my drift – and I’m happy to report that there haven’t been any accidents in the house again this year. That’s more than you can say for the old girl. What with the mind falling apart and the body disintegrating, we are experiencing a few whoopsies here and there. Though it’s not all bad news, I hear¬†the profits on pet deodorising spray at Tesco¬†have shot up.

Level two – safety needs

Keeping Ben safe, now there’s a story and it is¬†BIG on my people’s agenda;¬†something to do with the ankle nipping tendency, me thinks.¬†Hats off to them, they do their best and, even three years down the line,¬†are still coming up with creative ideas to help me focus my anxiety on more socially acceptable outlets. In pursuit of this lofty ideal, 2017 saw the pointing of¬†nozzles –¬†attached to¬†tubes of Primular –¬†right at my mouth, whenever anyone passed; nothing wrong with that. ūüôā¬†Perfectly timed and –¬†squeezed with a nice even pressure¬†– they¬†have proved spectacularly successful, also giving witness to the astonishing length of my tounge.¬† Timing sadly, isn’t always top notch, so we have also¬†introduced a rather moreish little¬†herbal remedy called ‘Complete Calm’, my medication of choice. It has a mildly tranquilising effect and makes for a rather mellow Ben, most of the time. However, it isn’t up to the mark when ankles pass at speed, or when they are close to a couple of¬†wheels travelling at speed.¬†Desperate remedies accompany these extremes,¬†including restraint on a leash, to save me from myself and¬†make sure I am able to fulfil my safety needs.

While¬†on the subject of level two needs,¬†I must say that¬†– even if I am just a pooch with a laptop – I rather take issue with old Abe, as we like to call him,¬†about an important omission.¬†He is –¬†quite rightly –¬†big on safety and security. However,¬†he totally misses the importance of comfort needs and so doesn’t give the¬†physical and metaphorical significance¬†of the soft furnishings¬†a look in. I knew when, within 5 minutes of arriving, I was tucked up beside B on¬†our¬†sofa with my own –¬†rather¬†attractive –¬†throw, that I was going to have all my needs met at this strange place¬†I had fetched up in.¬†To prove my point, and to amuse my good friend Mary McCarthy, I have inserted a little moving¬†gallery.

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Level three РSocial needs, all about Ben belonging

2017 has really cemented my journey from orphan pup to happily ever after, via the dedicated work of Animal Concern West Cumbria (Click Mickey), and my wonderful temporary accommodation with foster people, Gavin and Wendy.¬†Admittedly, living with 2 legged things is a v. v .v odd and sometimes alarming¬†experience. I mean they spend all day putting things on and taking them off again: whey they get up,¬†go out, come back in, when the fire is hot, when the fire is cold, when we go to bed… Why would you do that? I’m not even going to mention when we go out for our¬†walks, dizzy doesn’t come anywhere near it. Then there is¬†this small room, that¬†I never go into, but which¬†my people spend¬†hours in in, all on their own. Sometimes, when¬†I snuggle up close to the door while waiting, I get¬†the benefit of a Turkish bath from the steam that creeps out from under the door. Having settled into this weird and wonderful place, with the ever mysterious human race –¬†and not forgetting the old girl – I have somehow become confident of a place where I belong and now call home.

And that really is just the start of my social life.¬†I’ve got a little mouse called Mickey, who has taken a shine to my van, and a feline friend from Devon that I correspond with now and again.¬†Then there’s my trio of loyal canine followers from Norwich and a few pals from my old dog obedience class. Topping it all, there’s a whole bunch of us who meet in the forest most days, on our morning¬†constitutionals, which includes my very best pal Oscar, who I introduced you to in my review of 2016.¬†I have¬†an internal struggle¬†when I see him,¬†because his person comes with a nice succulent line in treats. I’m never sure who to say hello to first, Angela for my level¬†one needs, or Oscar for my level¬†three ones. Our games are still just magic, and the electricity¬†generated¬†really should¬†be sold off to the national grid as a substantial contribution to the¬†renewal energy strategy.

To top all this I’ve got a whole band of¬†two legged things who are friends, fans, followers and supporters. 2018, is going to see me and my¬†young cousin Bobby making headlines, when he comes to visit me in the Lake District and I just can’t wait – watch this spot.¬†Then,¬†of course, there’s Bumble, as ever making my tummy go all¬†fluttery and my heart beat faster.

I think I can say, with a degree of confidence,¬†that level three needs are done and dusted so… going up.

Level¬†four¬† –¬† esteem needs

Well, with all that going on¬†I’d have to be a bit soft in the head not to feel a bit puffed up, wouldn’t I? Anyway, soft in the head is¬†Labrador, not¬†Border¬†Collie territory.¬†As a result I’m something of a buoyant little fellow, though sometimes –¬†I’m told –¬†my head gets a bit too big for my walking boots, then I need to be taken down a peg or two. The big names¬†who didn’t respond to e mail quest (enabling me to name drop through tagging¬†them, and thereby getting tons of followers) did just that. Therefore, my blog still isn’t a viable proposition for would be advertisers, paying lots of dosh for¬†my fundraising. I know B¬†meant to be consoling¬†when she told me they might have thought I was a bit of cheap meat – spam I think she actually¬†said – but, quite¬†frankly, ¬†I didn’t find it in the least consoling. It has dented but not altogether destroyed my faith in the two legged variety because, BIG BECAUSE,¬† I did get a few responses with kind and encouraging words and they were from v. v. v. BIG names:¬†Roy Hattersley, a mystery celebratory, Elton John and, Julia Bradbury who just recently sent me a present to thank me for being friends, how cool is that.¬†Julia and her team at The Outdoor Guide, are doing their best to help me get recognised and I am v. v. v grateful to them. The comments of my celebrity fans¬†are at the end of¬†the welcome post that¬†fronts up my blog. With such warm sentiments ringing in my ears how could I not be elevated to the very top of the triangle, with the best of them, going for gold.

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Level five  Рself-actualisation needs

I’d say¬†this is¬†a work in progress, 47 Munros down and a mere 235 to go. I did manage to climb the equivalent height of Everest this year and, of course,¬†I have my literary ambitions – to get a book of my own published one day.

With such a lovely life and so much going for me, I’m looking forward to doing a bit more of this self-actualising stuff in the¬†coming year and, guess what,¬†I’ll let you all about it. But, not before…

And so to bed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Ben xx

 

Look what Julia Bradbury sent me!

Friends, collies and my pal Julia,

Go outdoors buff and keyring

Will you look at me in my nice new buff¬ģ.

It was a present from The TOG team (click Mickey,¬†http://theoutdoorguide.co.uk/) to thank me for sharing my blog on their fantastic web¬†site; wasn’t that jolly nice. As well as making me¬†look fabulous¬†all the time they are also brilliant for wearing in hot weather, especially after being dipped in a lovely cool mountain stream. Continue reading

And the winner is … Barky Bark!

Friends, collies and Barky Bark (translation below),

Thank you everyone for entering into the spirit of my Christmas competition. Do drop me a comment below if you have enjoyed playing and if you have any ideas for future competitions. Continue reading

Well Hello,

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… and a very warm welcome to my dog blog. I‚Äôm¬†so pleased that you’ve found me. I do hope you will¬†enjoy reading about the trials and tribulations of my great adventure. I would love it if you joined in the saga by dropping me a line in the comments box. As you will see I’m going to need all the support I can get.

This my v. v. v big tail!

I started my blog in 2015, as a ¬†young¬†orphan¬†puppy from West Cumbria in the United Kingdom. It will record my big walking adventure – climbing the 282¬† Scottish Mountains over 3,000 feet. Me, an¬†agile young collie¬†and¬†my¬†person ‚Ästa creaky aging thing (called B) –¬†aim to complete the task by the time I am 10 and she is 70. We¬†are to¬†spend many¬†hours in some of the¬†most wonderful and¬†¬†remote parts of the UK: walking, camping, eating, drinking, writing and growing ever¬†closer and closer.¬†My primary purpose is to attract people who would like to follow¬†me and see if I achieve my goal.¬†¬†I aim to raise ¬£32,000 for two v. v. v good causes. I have promised not to use any of¬†the dosh¬†for¬†even¬†a tiny morsel of a treat, how hard is that?

Scary map of 64 Munros completed, and those still to do 235!

This is our story from a canine perspective for a change.

The human story is very slow, but you can try to access it here and join the group: 

Facebook – Mucky Boots and Flawless Paws

The money we raise will be spilt between a charity for search and rescue dogs, and Canine Partners, which trains assistance dogs to¬† support¬†disabled people. These dogs¬†are sooooooo clever. This is Bumble and Sandra’s story. I am in love with Bumble.

SANDRA BELL AND BUMBLE – Partnership study

There are film clips of the clever canines at work below.  If after watching them you think what amazing creatures we dogs really are, and you wanted to support their work, you could always drop me a penny or two for my fundraising, just here :

Munro challenge doggy bag fund – just giving

Please join in the chat, by adding your thoughts below and become part of the¬†adventure. It will give me encouragement and I’m going to need it, by the bucket full

By the bye, all my blog posts are here, on my home page, but I have other more specific pages. You just need to click a mouse (ouch!), on the menu below my lovely photo at the top, to access them:

  • Ben Speak –¬†Understand the dogisms, and the odd philosophical musing¬†in my blog.
  • Ben’s Annual Reviews – A summary of my little world, one post per year.
  • Ben’s Reads – My gift of reading just¬†for you, in my recommended reads.
  • Ben’s Team – A slide show of those in commerce giving¬†me a paw up.
  • Ben, The Dog Poet – check out my back log of verse and doggerel.
  • Constitution/Donate/Contact ¬†Check out my credentials,¬†donate, or contact me.
  • Doggy Dementia – Ben’s top tips –¬†Written in tribute to our old girl, to help others.
  • Munro Posts –¬†All my¬†Munro¬†posts, copied and arranged¬†in chronological order from the start to finish, in one place.

You tube – Canine Partners at work

You tube – Search and Rescue dog doing their thing.

That was hard work, Need sleep.

Ben Asleep
And so to bed

Love Ben xx untitled 1