TOGGS-DOGS (fighting the flab)

Friends, collies and Millie – my comrade in paws,

We don’t seem to be gathering much support for DADI (Dogs Against Diets Incorporated). Our poor fellow victims must be too weak, from their diets, to even think about marching for their rights. Therefore, I think we need to up the anti and go radical. Millie, are you up for it?

To start off with, here’s something to wear when we are forced to go to those two legged things in white coats, who are licenced to put us through horrible examinations and invade our bits and bobs.

dog on diet 2

DAVID! is a new slogan. It stands for, Dogs Against Veterinary Imposed Diets. You just have to print this off, onto an adhesive label, and find a badge to stick it onto. I’m told your people have done their bit of lobbying and marching in their time, so there should be the odd badge knocking about the place. Don’t get them mixed up though. I think your vet would accuse you of casting aspersions on his veterinary ethics, about segregated dogs, if you went in wearing an anti-apartheid badge. Becky – my person’s niece – is big into supporting the underdog, so I’ll I see if I can get her to find us a ready supply of cheap badges. I’m sure that when we have a few barks, with fellow travellers in the waiting room, they’ll be champing at the bit to join our campaign.

I was in one of the torture chambers again today and had a nasty receptacle inserted into my left nostril. I think Andy was a bit sympathetic to my cause (despite his professional status) because he did manage to relent a bit, compensating for the intrusion with a small portion of Danish blue.

Just one question for you Millie, how are your leadership skills? I’m big on vision and direction myself but I’m a bit lacking in the tact and diplomacy department. Don’t forget to check out the comments part of my posts on the website, where I type my replies to you.

I’m also big into power napping. Does that come under leadership?

And so to bed.


Love Ben xx

Paws down for justice

Friends, collies and Millie,

I have just had some disturbing correspondence from my friend Millie, in Norfolk. It seems like she is on one of these diet things too even though, at 12, she is still fit enough to catch cock pheasants. Maybe she was driven to it by the lack of food.

Anyway, I’m starting a new movement (if you’ll pardon the expression), ‘Dogs Against Diets Incorporated’, or DADI for short. Any takers?

I’ll just have a little snooze while I’m waiting for replies.


Love Ben xx

Learning to grow a thick skin

Friends, collies and resilient dogs,

The soft furnishings at home proved to be a wonderful repository for my reflections on past glories, over the winter months. With a bottle, or two, of Snuffles beer to wash down an ample supply of doggy doughnuts, and a roaring fire in the grate, I found a glowing satisfaction creeping over me. I could settle down nicely to a bit of writing, followed by a very pleasant long snooze.

Unfortunately, I have had to accept the consequences of this more sedentary lifestyle and learn all about the horrible things that people can say to those who are a bit on the portly side. It’s all rather upsetting but I have to take it on the chin, with a stiff upper lip, apparently. First of all it was “getting a bit podgy” and then “he’s filling out a bit isn’t he” and also, “what a chubby tummy”. Finally, Andy confirmed it when I popped on the scales and kept my eyes shut. I came in at a whopping 25Kg. This might be why the old girl objects so strongly when I go in with a running tackle to make sure she doesn’t get the ball.

Now, all my sliver linings, mentioned in paragraph one, are a thing of the past; a distinct golden memory. Even my dinner bowl looks too big for it’s contents.

I’m thinking of starting a campaign, ‘Save Ben’s Tummy’, but not before I have a good sleep. I’m feeling rather weak.

Ben sleeping

Love Ben xx