Help me with J? Ben’s big summer competition

Friends, Collies, dogs on Zoom,

Even us dogs have been in changed times because of this COVID interloper. While we have done a sterling job, keeping our people happy, I’m now allowed to spread my paws a bit more, so I need to put all those coronavirus related words – that have invaded my head space – behind me. Then I can enjoy my walking and, of course, write all about it for my blog. I think the best way to do this is to wipe out the whole experience in one big cathartic A – Z.

However, I’m stuck on J. So, help me out please, on my alphabetic tour around a canine experience of Coronavirus – one of Ben’s special prizes could be yours 🙂 

A = Anti Bacterial paw gel

Doesn’t half sting when it penetrates the cracks in my pads.

B = Boris

A nasty little whipper snapper I sometimes bump into. He’s nothing like the great British Bulldog he seeks to imitate.

C = Clap for carers

Double the money with my four paws, though what they really need is lots more of that money so they can have lots of nice treats too.

D = Disinfectant

Really, what bleach? won’t I have to keep touching up my roots?

E= Eye sight

Colour blind myself, but still seeing red about that Orwellian squealer at No. 10.

F = Furlough

Does it extend to working dogs?

G = going, going…

H = Hancock

I heard mention of a protective ring. Are we talking Frisbees?

I = Incompetence

Barks for itself.

J = Can you help me out please?

K = Key Worker

Thank you, with all my heart, to everyone who has kept Pets at Home open.

L = Lockdown

I’ve put on a heck of a lot of weight so, who is it I contact for one of those free quad bikes? Do I still qualify if I take part in the “Eat out, to help out” scheme? I’m v. v. v interested in helping out here.

M= Masks

OMG – I dare you!

N = Nicola

I’ve grown to admire her greatly. She’s the dog’s b…, but apparently I’m not allowed to say that.

O = Online

The only way to keep in touch with your pals.

P = PPE

I’m clued up on the pees, but never done e’s before.

Q = Quarantine

Now I know why the caged dog howls.

R = R number

Speaking for myself, I wasn’t allowed to reproduce.

S = Shielding

I’ve got Pedigree Chum home delivery on speed dial, just in case.

T = Test and Trace (by smell of course)

Get those working dogs out of furlough – we’re across it.

U = UN-precedented

If I hear that word once more… dogs obviously have longer memories than our people (1258…, & then again, 1918 – to mention just two episodes).

V = Vaccine

I don’t do needles – full stop.

W = wide berth

2 metres, I’m thinking lamp posts.

X = Xponentially

It’s just possible I’m dyslexic.

Y = Yellow Peril

Could this describe a cheeky little Shih Tzu I’ve just got to know.

Z = Zoom

A new punchy cocktail, made just to celebrate my person’s retirement this Friday.

Oh my goodness me, that was hard work – need to essay the soft furnishings.

IMG_6672
And so to bed

Lots of love,

Ben

4 thoughts on “Help me with J? Ben’s big summer competition

  1. J is of James’s big party postponed because of Covid 19

    Would that fit the bill?

    With love from the Gang in Blofield Heath.

    Like

  2. J is for Joke, the only way to deal with any crisis we cats find. For example: Just think in a year’s time the humans will be laughing about this whole virus thing. Well, not all of them obviously.
    Sorry Ben, us cats have a very dry, edgy sort of humour, please delete my entry should it be in too poor taste.
    Miaow for now

    Like

  3. Thank you Tink. We maybe different species but I think we have the same sort of bright minds. It can be a bit tricky not offending anyone but with all the very sad and depressing news you have to find something to lighten the mood. Your J put me in mind of another one, Janey Godley, who brings laughter to our house, even at a time like this. Woof, woof

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s